This is not your neighbor’s “Youth Group”

Saturday, 04 Dec 2010

The following is by Rev. Michael Brown, pastor of Christ URC in Santee, CA and is used with his permission. Rev. Brown blogs at The Blog of Christ URC

The only “youth program” your kids need: some thoughts on family worship and catechesis

When my wife and I were introduced to Reformed Christianity, one of the things that stood out vividly to us was the practice of family prayer or “family worship.” In the revivalist, evangelical church in which I grew up, this practice was never emphasized. To be sure, the church in which I was raised encouraged important devotional acts such as praying and reading one’s Bible, but I can’t ever remember a pastor emphasizing the necessity and importance of regular family worship during the week. Instead, there was a full array of programs and small groups offered, each tailor-made to every member of the family: Jr.High group, high school group, college-and-career, men’s group, ladies’ group, young marrieds, married-with-children, empty-nesters, etc., etc. Not that everything in all of these groups was always bad. It’s just that there seemed to be an emphasis upon separating the family as a unit during the week in order to “minister” to each person’s needs.

Oddly enough, Sunday worship wasn’t much different. My family would arrive at church only to split up into our segregated groups for worship: I, a “youth pastor,” would go to the high school “worship service,” while my wife went into the main service with the adults, and my daughters went to “children’s’ church” with the toddlers. The first time we worshiped together as a family was the first Sunday we visited a confessional, Reformed church (!).

Coming to Reformed Christianity, my wife and I not only learned the sobering truth about the means of grace and what actually happens during the Divine Service on the Lord’s Day, we also learned about the vital importance of regular family worship throughout the week. Clearly, this was a practice far more biblical (and historical) than the compartmentalized, hustle-bustle of a busy week at church. The ancient paths God carved out for families to walk in long ago were new to us. We learned how he designed the family to be a worshiping unit, an entity that would engage in prayer, praise and instruction in the course of ordinary, daily life. We learned how Christian parents have the covenantal responsibility-both toward God and their children-of bringing up their little ones as disciples in the historic Christian faith. Suddenly, all those passages about training up your children began to come into color:

Deut 6.4-9: Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.

Eph 6.4: “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord”

Passages such as these, however, cannot be reduced to mere proof-texts for sending our children to Christian schools or buying Christian home-school curriculum. They require of us something far more vital than that. In the first place, they require the indispensable practice of the “family pew,” that is, a commitment of bringing our children to corporate worship every week. In worship, our children – no less than us – are summoned by God to receive his good gifts, confess their sins, and bring him praise and honor as the Creator and Redeemer of his people.

But these commands also require a commitment to daily catechesis so that our children will know what they believe and why they believe it. This is precisely why the sixteenth-century Protestant Reformers, as well as the seventeenth-century Puritans who followed them, wrote rich catechisms and strongly advocated the practice of family worship. They understood each family to be a ‘little church,’ in which the father was called to be priest and spiritual head of his home under Christ.

It is for this reason that the Westminster Confession of Faith teaches that worship is to be conducted “in private families daily” (21.6). This was taken so seriously by our fathers in the faith, that the General Assembly of the Church of Scotland not only included in its editions of the Westminster Standards a “Directory for Family Worship,” but even mandated disciplinary action against heads of households who neglected “this necessary duty”!

Hughes Oliphant Old describes the rhythm of family worship in Puritan life:

What the liturgy of the hours was for monks of the Middle Ages, the discipline of family prayer was for the Puritans. The typical Puritan home of seventeenth-century England may not have looked much like the splendid cloisters of Cluny, but there was something in common. The daily life of both Catholic monk and Puritan family man was ordered by a rhythm of prayer and praise. With Cistercian solemnity, the Puritan household would gather around the dinner table, father, mother, children, a maiden aunt, perhaps servants or an apprentice. A metrical psalm was sung. Then the head of the house would open up a great leather bound family Bible and read a chapter. This finished, the father would lead in prayer. The Puritans, whether on the Connecticut frontier or in the heart of London, whether they were Cambridge scholars or Shropshire cotters, gave great importance to maintaining a daily discipline of family prayer.

So what happened in the church that we have lost this vital practice? Why have we forgotten the wisdom of these ancient paths? As with most questions in historical theology, there is not one easy answer. There are several contributing factors that led to the corrosion of this practice. One of them, however, must certainly be the rise of American pragmatism.

As Americans, we have an unquenchable thirst for knowing the cash value of something. It may seem to many American Christians that investing in the rigorous daily duty of family worship is too costly. After all, getting a family in 2008 to meet together regularly around a table and take out thirty minutes of the day may seem almost impossible. It would require reordering and restructuring our daily lives. It would require slowing down a little bit. It would require turning off the television a little more (gasp!).

The fact of the matter is, family worship is a great investment. In fact, it is a no-brainer. It pays such high dividends that it is – to use the modern vernacular – like stealing money. In fact, I cannot think of many things in life that pay greater dividends than the ordinary practice of daily family worship. Let me quote Presbyterian minister Terry Johnson to give you an idea of what I mean:

If your children are in your home for 18 years, you have [over 5,600] occasions (figuring a 6 day week) for family worship. If you learn a new Psalm or hymn each month, they will be exposed to 216 in those 18 years. If you read a chapter a day, you will complete the Bible 4.5 times in 18 years. Every day they will affirm a creed or recite the law. Every day they will confess their sins and plead for mercy. Every day they will intercede on behalf of others. Think in terms of the long view. What is the cumulative impact of just 15 minutes of this each day, day after day, week after week, month after month, year after year, for 18 years? At the rate of 6 days a week (excluding Sunday), one spends an hour and a half a week in family worship (about the length of a home Bible study), 78 hours a year (about the length of two weekend retreats), and 1,404 hours over the course of 18 years (about the length of eight week-long summer camps). When you establish your priorities, think in terms of the cumulative effect of this upon your children. Think of the cumulative effect of this upon you, after 40 or 60 or 80 years of daily family worship. All this without having to drive anywhere.

The family is essentially a discipleship group. In praying and reading the Bible together (and maybe singing too), the whole family is being spiritually nurtured as the truths of the historic Christian faith are pressed before them each day. Parents are humbled as they are constrained to assume the role of priest for their family. They are driven to their knees in a sense of inadequacy of such a task. They are forced to adjust their lifestyle in order to carry out the responsibility of raising their children in the Lord. And they are confronted with the reality of appearing either consistent or inconsistent in the eyes of their little ones.

In the meantime, children are growing up watching their parents humble themselves before the Lord. They are learning of Christ’s claim and Lordship on their lives. They are absorbing Scripture and realizing its authority. They are provided with a medium for reinforcing memorization of Scripture, catechism questions, creeds, the Lord’s Prayer, etc. And they are seeing how they are different than the world in that God has set them apart as his own special people. All of this has a great effect on covenant children: it is part of the means God uses to bring them to faith.

But as you read this, you may be thinking, “Fine. I agree. Consistent family worship seems indispensable. But where do I begin? How do I do family worship?” Let me offer a few recommendations:

First, FIND A TIME that works well for your family. For many, this will be the dinner table. Believe it or not, it is actually very simple to transition from eating a meal together (an invaluable and neglected practice in itself) to having family worship without ever leaving the table. On the other hand, maybe bedtime will be more conducive for your family. Whatever the case, just find a time in which everyone in the family is together for at least 15-20 minutes a day. If no such time exists for your family, then you desperately need to make one! Settle on a time that will become as fixed a routine for your family as getting dressed or brushing teeth. Settle on it and guard it! When the phone rings, let the answering machine pick it up. Instead of being enslaved to technology, let it serve you!

Second, KEEP IT SIMPLE. There is no reason to make family worship long or complex. You can keep it as simple as these three elements: Scripture reading, catechism and prayer.

With regard to Scripture reading, try reading a chapter a day, working your way through particular books of the Bible. Perhaps on certain days, read the passage that was preached in worship the previous Lord’s Day. This will help your family to review what you heard and hopefully develop a practice of meditating on it during the week.

For catechism, work on memory with your children. Teach them to memorize the Lord’s Prayer, Ten Commandments and the Apostles’ Creed. Then move on to Heidelberg Catechism Q.1, breaking it down into parts until they have the whole thing mastered. Move on from there to these essential questions: ##2-5, 21, 27, 60, 65, 69, 75, 86, 116. It will take a while (maybe years), but despite what you might think, they can do it. Be patient. Think long term. Don’t give up.

With regard to prayer, teach your children how to pray by modeling it for them. Conclude family worship with the simple acrostic A-C-T-S: adoration of God, confession of sins, thanksgiving for all he has done and given, and supplications for those in need. This is a great opportunity to pull out the bulletin and look at the particular prayer needs in the congregation, teaching our little ones to intercede for others in the household of God.

You may also consider singing a Psalm or hymn together before reading Scripture. But whatever the case, family worship should only take about 15 or 20 minutes. Seriously. There is no reason to turn this into a massive ordeal. In fact, fathers, resist the temptation to do that! Once in a while, you may find your family engaged in an extended discussion over a particular doctrine or theological question. It is a beautiful thing when this happens spontaneously and naturally. But don’t force it. Ask a few questions, keep it simple, and conclude. If your family comes to expect a forty-five to sixty minute Bible study from dad, they may begin to dread the exercise.

Third, GET STARTED! To borrow an old slogan from Nike, “Just do it!” Don’t procrastinate and put it off. Each day your children get a little older. Redeem the time given to you.

Fourth, BE CONSISTENT. When you miss a day (or two or three!), don’t throw in the towel. Get back on track and go. Too much is at stake to give up.

Finally, Dad, Mom, BE SUPPORTIVE OF ONE ANOTHER. Satan is against you in this, so be prepared. He wants nothing more than for you to pick at one another during family worship, become frustrated and quit. He wants you to leave the Bible and catechism book on the shelf and reach for the remote at the time you have designated for family worship. He wants wives to be resistant and husbands to be lazy. So, encourage, support and be respectful of one another as you engage in this daily practice.

Family worship is a joy, but it takes work. It usually requires some rearranging of our priorities in daily life. And if you are getting a late start with your kids, it will probably be met with some resistance. Pray for one another with regard to your duties in this simple, but awesome practice.



  • 07 Dec 2010
    Brad Powell says:

    You mention about the sobering truth about what happens during the divine service, could you please explain.

  • 07 Dec 2010
    Edgar says:

    Thanks for the write up. the Heidelberg Catechism is like an apologetics 101 little booklet.

  • 08 Dec 2010
    Mike Brown says:

    @Brad: I am speaking of the Reformational understanding of the means of grace in the public worship service.


  • 15 Dec 2010
    Rebecca says:

    But what about the people without families?

    I’m struggling with this at my neo-Reformed church; the emphasis on fathers shepherding their families is great, but as a single person I’m feeling a little left out. Who is going to catechize us? The internet?

    It’s easy to laugh at the idolatry of Sunday school, but what is going to take its place for people who don’t have a father at their dinner table to teach them?

  • 16 Dec 2010
    Mike Brown says:


    This post is about youth groups and family devotions. You shouldn’t feel left out regarding this topic anymore than I should feel left out when Paul addresses wives or slaves in his epistles, though I am neither of those things. Those in the Body of Christ who have those roles and callings need to be addressed.

    That said, there is a place for catechizing single adults, but, obviously, it is not by fathers or husbands. That is a role that the ministry of the Word fulfills, both in its preaching and teaching aspects. This is actually one of the reasons why, in the Reformed churches, we have the 400+ year tradition of catechetical preaching. In one of the two services on the Lord’s Day (usually the evening service), we ordinarily preach on the essential and central doctrines of the Christian faith so that Christ’s flock are well taught. Moreover, a teaching ministry that fulfills this in an adult Sunday School class or mid-week theology class is a healthy part of our catechetical diet.

    If you feel that you are not learning the historic Christian faith in your church, then I encourage you to speak with your pastor and tell him your concerns.

    In Christ,

  • 20 Dec 2010
    Monday On my Mind: Family Worship Resources « Jamestown MOPS says:

    […] 1.  An encouraging blog post on youth programming and family worship:  This is not your neighbors Youth Group […]

  • 29 Dec 2010
    The ONLY Youth Program Your Children Need: Family Worship « Jared Moore says:

    […] You can find the rest of this helpful article here. […]

  • 08 Jan 2011
    Thought for family discipleship « Strengthened by Grace says:

    […] You can find the rest of this helpful article here. […]

  • 14 Jan 2011
    mark says:

    you mentioned memorizing the apostles’ creed during worship. Were you referring to the roman catholic creed? am just confused. thank you

  • 14 Jan 2011
    Mike Brown says:

    @Mark: The Apostles’ Creed is not distinctively Roman Catholic. The Protestant Reformers continued to confess the Apostles’ Creed, considering it an excellent summary of Christian doctrine. Have a look at the Heidelberg Catechism and the way it expounds on each line of the Creed, so that we know what we confess and why we confess it.

  • 23 Jan 2011
    This is not your neighbors Youth Group « all as loss says:

    […] Rev. Michael Brown writes: The ancient paths God carved out for families to walk in long ago were new to us. We learned how he designed the family to be a worshiping unit, an entity that would engage in prayer, praise and instruction in the course of ordinary, daily life. We learned how Christian parents have the covenantal responsibility-both toward God and their children-of bringing up their little ones as disciples in the historic Christian faith. Suddenly, all those passages about training up your children began to come into color. […]

  • 24 Jan 2011
    Ryan says:

    In reference to the question about single people in the church, my church doesn’t have singles’ classes, Sunday School, Youth Group, Children’s Church, or the many other programs of the modern church. We have actually had a lot of singles without families in the church – I am one of them (24 years old) – and the way the church has dealt with us is through hospitality. While this takes work on the part of everyone, including the singles learning how to readily relate with whole families of all ages, it is a great blessing as well. I am in the homes of multiple families every week and am often with them for their family worship times and I have even been able to have families at my own home for meals or to stay for several days. By being in homes so much during the week, I have several families that are as close to me as my own physical family and through whom my walk with Christ has been enriched and strengthened.

    One thing that singles can do to help their standing in churches structured like mine is to not expect others to reach out to them all the time while doing nothing themselves. I found that the relationships I had in the church became far stronger when I started viewing families as people to minister to rather than expecting them to minister to me. I started going out of my way to visit others, talk with them, and eat with them, and it radically improved the number of friends I had. If we are always willing to lend a helping hand, are the first to volunteer when a need is expressed, are willing to give to help others who come under financial stress, show true interest in the lives of the men, women and children of the church, etc., I think we will find ourselves an integral part of the body of Christ as we should be. God created families, not groups of homogeneous singles. We have to get involved in other peoples lives with a goal of serving them in the name of Christ and quit expecting the church to serve us. We may even find ourselves “adopted” into the homes of others in the church and not just singles without a family.

  • 25 Jan 2011
    Tricia says:

    I agree whole heartedly with this article and the comment by Ryan (above). I’d like to make some additional comments for those who have attempted to reach out, as Ryan is suggesting, and have not had success yet. I attend a reformed church that has no singles group of any kind as well and as a 27 year old single woman, I often feel like I am an outsider in the church. If anyone is like me, single and has spent any amount of time trying to “connect” with married people in their church, they have probably experienced some discouragement at some point. Press-on. Keep trying. Serve the body without letting your natural inclination to become frustrated or self-centered take away from your service to your brothers and sisters in Christ, whether they be married with children or other singles. It’s easy to become frustrated when you make those attempts to invite others to dinner and are not invited to dinner with other families. It’s especially hard being a single woman when you feel ignored by woman with children, if you are not one of those women who are particularly enthusiastic about cottaling every baby you see. 🙂 All this to say, keep at it. Be genuine and be yourself, but try to be creative. The work of forming relationships in the church is never over and it’s never easy.

    In addition, if you are single and wonder how family devotions translates for you, perhaps a time set aside for the reading of scripture, memorizing the catechism and reading a good book on theology (or something else that would be edifying) is in order. Obviously this is in addition to the ministry of the Word. This will probably be good practice for setting aside time for family devotions in the future, if you make it a priority now. Even if you remain single, you are ultimately accomplishing the same thing that family devotions would.

    I’d just like this comment to be an encouragement to anyone who read this article and the comments below and felt left out or that a singles group is absolutely necessary because of this feeling of being disconnected.

  • 25 Jan 2011
    Leah says:

    Yes, one of the best things we’ve learned in our Reformed journey is that the biggest thing we can anticipate weekly is the LORD’s day worship. And we prepare for that great covenant renewal service by doing family devotions at meal times and once a day catechetical teaching. I am a little spoiled now that my husband has graduated from seminary and is a Reformed minister. Every meal, we get to eat bread and the True Bread from above as my husband exposits the Scripture passage (he works from home too since we’re in the parsonage, so he joins us for most meals). And then at night, we focus on Bible lessons for the children as well as their doctrinal (Children’s Catechism from the Westminster; once they’re older we’ll do the Heidelberg) and Scriptural catechisms (we like Hendrikson’s Survey of the Bible best since his Bible outlines are easy to memorize). Also, we try to sing a hymn that is sung at church and recite the LORD’s prayer and the Apostles creed as an end to our prayer times. It is sweet and rich and makes for a great family tradition. And on top of that, it helps our children and ourselves to anticipate the LORD’s day service.

  • 27 Jan 2011
    Part of the vision for my family « From DandelionEnd says:

    […] of the vision for my family Posted on January 27, 2011 by dandelionsmith This is what I want for my […]

  • 28 Jan 2011
    Ryan says:

    I really appreciate the family-perspective of reformed churches. I’ve been in several reformed churches in the past, and was a member of a reformed church in college. I can certainly relate to Ryan and Tricia. It is VERY difficult for young adults away from their families. One thing we singles did in one of my churches was, in addition to Sunday worship, to just start getting together on our own during the week to study the word, pray, and eat. We sort of made a church within the church.

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